Stop the Noise - the noise called other people's opinions

When I am working with people, training them, spending amazing quality time with them to get their business off the ground and running, I have an army to deal with.  The start up process would be so much easier if I was just dealing with one person.  But I'm not.  I'm dealing with every person that has ever spoken to them and given their not-so-clever opinion about...(read more)
what they are going to be doing.  This could certainly be one of the subjects I am the most passionate about.  And while I understand why and how it happens, somehow I have not gotten to the point that I would like in the area of patience.

I am impatient with how people view themselves.  I am impatient with them believing in themselves and taking action in directions they have always wanted.  I am impatient with peoples' procrastination with their success.  I am impatient, highly doubtful I will change, and OK about it.  I have such a big expectation of others.  People are amazing and they don't know it. Or maybe they just forgot.

We all thought we could do about anything when we were 5.  In general, 5 year olds are awesome. And then as they got older, people told them they weren't so awesome, and they believed them.  Our own thoughts get jumbled with other people's thoughts, and it can get confusing.

I get it.  I've been there.  We all have multiple personalities floating around in our heads in regard to what we think about ourselves and most of us allow the naysayer voice to win.  "I can"..." No, I can't". Sometimes the positive and negative thoughts follow so quickly, my head spins.  Maybe I'm the only one that feels bi-polar on most days, but sorting out our thoughts is imperative.

I read once that if we allow our mind to simply wander and do whatever it likes, 80% of our thoughts  are naturally negative.  I really would like to credit where that came from and I will look so I can add it, but regardless, it is appallingly high.  And I don't doubt it.  I also read that if you read 30ish books in a single topic you would basically earn your own PHD in that area since that is in the realm of the amount of information you would pay a college to require of you.  I have 2 formal degrees I did pay for, yet I believe I have earned 3-4 PHD's on my own in a span of about 12-15 years.  One of them in the topic at hand.  There's a wealth of information out there and available to you.  How would it be possible for anyone to succeed in life with 80% of their thoughts detrimental to themselves?  I think most would agree with that premise.

My son is a baseball pitcher, and a pretty good one.  If he went out on the mound telling himself he is going to throw bad, or worse that he sucks, I am pretty darn sure its not going to go well. At a particular point in any high level athlete's career it becomes a mind game.  How else would you explain highly paid professionals that dedicate their lives to their sport, blowing simple plays?  I get there is no such thing as perfection, but if you are a sports fan like me, you have witnessed it.  Last week Blair Walsh's routine boot missed to the left and lost the game for the Vikings ( not really since it takes a whole team, but you get what I mean).  It's a mind game.  Spending time on this in any area of our life is essential to success.

The point that I started out with is this.  We have work to do regarding our own thoughts and actions toward success, so we definitely do not need to inherit others' thoughts too!  But that is exactly what most are doing.  So when I am training and working with someone I very often have to address this right away.  I could have the best, most unbelievable information to share with them, but if they are sitting in their seat thinking they can't do it, it really doesn't matter how wonderful I am or how great the information is that I'm delivering.  Said differently, you must cease and desist in listening to everyone else's opinions about what you are up to.  You can hear them and appreciate them, but you don't have to internalize them.

Stop listening to everybody around you, especially the ones that don't have any business commenting anyway.  These are the ones that have never had a successful business (let alone the ones that have never had a business at all) or the ones that have never had anything other than average success.  In actuality you would probably be better off doing the exact opposite thing that most of them tell you to do.  I am not saying that you should not get advice, or seek out a mentor(s).  I am saying be careful with this.  Is the person you are taking advice from someone you want to emulate?  If they are not living a life that you would be happy to have, then I would highly recommend reducing the amount of time you spend with them, especially if they are someone who is pretty vocal about their opinions.  You want as much influence that you can get but specifically in the direction you are interested in going.  Life is hard enough without someone pulling in the wrong direction.  We need as many supporters as we can get.

Most people listen to others around them because they want to be liked.  They want to fit in.  Lets get this out of the way.  If you want to own your own business and have a life that is above average, which happens to be by definition -not normal- then you will not be doing what others do.  You will be the odd man or woman out.  Most of the people you are associating with will continue to do the same things they were doing last week and last year, and you can not...not if you want change.  If you continue to do the same things you were doing, you will continue to get the same results.  You will most likely have friends that get upset.  I did.  Unless you grew up around business owners, you will be surrounded by the status quo. The average person in the US today has a job, and most of them don't like it either. The average person in the US today is living check to check and month to month, with an average amount of savings less than 6 months income.

Is it your intention to be average?  Average in the US is not very good by anyone's standards.  Do you want the average marriage?  I would hope not, since the divorce rate in the US is 1 in 2.  Do you want an average income?  Therefore statistically, the average person you associate with is not going to agree with what you are doing.  If they did, then they would be doing it also.  They have their reasons why they are doing what they are doing now, and that is the truth for them. Personally I either heard opinions about how my plan was not going to work, or I got silence...which was mainly the same thing.  Did I get some encouragement?  Of course I did!  But it wasn't the average conversation-that's all.  It was seldom.  It was not normal.

I want these posts to be a straight conversation about what there is to do and what their is to face when starting and running your own business.  It's such a wonderful journey and who I have become along the way has been the best part.  You can do it, and I hope to save you some of the grief I encountered by giving you a head start and a heads up that will make yours a bit smoother ride than mine.  The rockiest part for me was not knowing that the closest people in my life would completely disagree with what I was doing, simply because it was not what they were doing.  Many times I believe it is too confronting for people to deal with their own regret about what they did or didn't do in the past.  But as they unconsciously attempted to sway me I became confused and hurt.  I thought they didn't think I was capable and it rocked me.  Doubts came up that weren't previously there.  I would have more doubts for sure along the way that I would contend with, but I was overwhelmed with what occurred to me as lack of support from my closest friends and family.  I struggled with thoughts about who I could count on during this major transition.  I want you to know that although it may not make sense to you, this is going to happen.  How you deal with it will undoubtedly make or break your decision to start or continue a business.  Will you listen to them, or will you push on?  Are their comments and suggestions valuable because they have experience, or are they not?  If you ask this question each time, you will easily navigate this early trap.  It's quite easy to overcome if you expect that it is coming.

My advice is to separate yourself not necessarily from the people, as the comments.  It was sad that I felt I should stop bringing up the subject at family gatherings and nights out with friends, since I really wanted to share it with them.  But I finally did exclude it from our visits.  My excitement was there, and I shared my business with the people I became clear would encourage and support me, but I no longer would subject myself to repeated scrutiny.  Once or twice was enough-I'm a quick study.  I knew they did not understand and it was OK.   I chose to spend our time talking about all the things that we do have in common, but not business.

So you see there are two sets of thoughts you need to be aware of: yours and others.  Become clear which ones are yours and which ones are the ones that were given to you.  Then become clear about the ones you would like to keep and the ones you would like to discard (I'm talking thoughts here, not your family)!  This will have you live life intentionally.  Your business will take the direction you say, not an accidental one you might not want. Listen, we have never met a 5 yr old that is resigned. Kindergartners are dreamers.  They love life and can't wait for the next fun thing to do.  They are going to grow up and be anything they want to be.  It is our nature to be free and alive and think big.  Resignation is a learned emotion, and it's a killer.  Resignation is nasty and it steals lives.  Be on the look out for symptoms that lead even in the direction of resignation.  I'll give you a hint, it sounds like "I cant" regardless of the reason you are saying it.  "I won't" is way more truthful. Those same people who are telling you why it won't work out for you (or them) are the same Kindergartners that were going to take over the world!  They have spent years sliding from alive, to doubtful, then to apathetic, and finally to resigned.

I will never become patient with people that are trying to convince me how they are not capable or are not good enough.  They simply forgot.  I have argued with many people about their greatness.  Some of them joined me in the pursuit and others couldn't get far enough away from me.  I would do it all over again.  I will never ever agree with someone about being mediocre.  And I'm also not worried about them not liking me for it.  I would prefer they remembered me as someone who pushed and pulled and kicked and fought for their success.  Fight for your own success and then be that person for others.     

What's your experience with this?  Are you allowing people to stop you and what will you start doing to overcome this?  I would love to hear in the comments!