Winning - A Lost Art

There's a lot of people playing defense and the game doesn't get won that way.  You might avoid getting killed or stomped on by defending yourself, but there will be no winning.  It's human instinct to win, to compete, to want to be the best.  We're born that way, and it just depends on how soon that instinct starts to get squashed.

Winning requires offense.  Winning requires intensity and belief that if I put everything I have into my game then maybe -just maybe -I can overcome the competition.  It's about perspective.  Does defeat and losing convince you it can't be done, or maybe it starts to occur that you could give it everything you have and winning might still evade you? Winning is slippery, but it's also
everything.  As soon as hope is lost, effort stops.  Now it becomes a game of survival only.

So I say we need a revolution,where the masses start a war on winning.  Maybe not in the shadow of Charlie, I just really love that photo.   I like winning and I've made it a habit.  I don't like to lose, and I don't plan on changing.  It serves me, my family and everyone around me that I play to win.  As a parent, I have never adhered to the new age notion that all kids should be able to play sports, games, etc and nobody loses...the brainchild of someone who thought our kids psyches can't handle disappointment.  We don't want our fragile little ones to realize they may have to work a little harder to get in the front. So who decided to reward all children for their participation only?  We were the parents who got in the car and did a run down with our kid regarding the score (which was intentionally brushed overnever mentioned during or after the game), celebrated or not, then strategized together for the next game. Our children cannot handle becoming adults without this training. Check back for my upcoming post on why sports trains our kids in a way nothing else will. We must provide them with the necessary emotional fortitude to persevere when life demands it. And it will.      

Losing is not failure. Losing is the opportunity to get better, and nothing else.  We only lose when we call it quits, throw in the towel and decide we are finished.  You would only do that if you thought the losing would continue-that there was no hope for improvement for a future win.  Losing is inevitable.  That's why shielding our kids from it is just putting it off.  Let them grow into managing their thoughts and emotions, so they will be a pro by the time they are in their 20's and 30's.  There are way too many people growing old and still not clear about taking responsibility for their lives.  The only cycle there is to master in life is: attempt, fail, learn, apply, repeat.  Somewhere in that rotation the success will come and keep on coming.

So I will say this again. It's really really important that people play to win.  Winning in life is being happy and we each get to say what that is for ourselves.  For me it includes taking care of people that are close to me when they need help and that takes winning to the point of having extra money available when needed.  It also includes being physically available and having the time to be with them or handle the things that need to be handled.  I want to be that person.  I want my kids to be influenced by watching their parents be that for others.   My family has benefited from my winning attitude.  When the economy slowed to a standstill in 2008 - 2011 in Michigan, people were depending on me to buck up and kick my tenacity into high gear.  It was not a time to whine and sit back. The amount of foreclosures and divorces will attest to why.  When health issues took residence in our house in 2011 someone had to pick up the slack and do what it took to keep the household running.  You get the picture.  Life comes flying at us.  It doesn't announce itself.  How hard will you fight back?

My Dad died at a very young age.  It looks younger and younger to me all the time as I approach my 50's.  He was 55 when it happened.  My Mom was 49.  I was in my 3rd year of college and it changed the rules to the game a bit.  I couldn't count on him now.  He was gone.  And my Mom had a lot going on suddenly as she faced being widowed at an age nobody would have imagined and with very little job skills or money to bridge this gap.  I could have very easily let this throw me off, but I had already dug my heals in about what I was up to in life.  When it came to my college degree I never thought it was an option.  It was going to happen - no kidding. So changing courses was not an option. I just had to handle and approach it differently than I thought I would originally.  Tenacity is handy, as well as determination..

I swore that I would never get myself in the predicament my Mom found herself in 1987.  I look up to my Mom and she has been a positive, strong influence in my life.  I am so grateful for her.  I don't know if I saw her this way yet back then.  I was 21 and in my young mind mostly everything was about me.  But I was clear that she was only able to take care of herself financially and I guess this may have helped push me even further in my quest to be financially independent of any person or organization.  If it was going to happen, I have always known it was going to be up to me.  There was some advantage for me growing up the way I did and being very clear my whole life that I would need to figure out how to support myself.  Don't get me wrong, the family and emotional support was there and if that was missing maybe I wouldn't have made it.  I can't tell you that.   But I received something in that lesson that has propelled me forward through my whole life.  It's a responsibility perspective that was given to me by my parents.  I was taught to play offense.  Thanks Mom and Dad for your parenting and love that had me go get what I wanted and know that I could.

If you didn't get that from your parents, it's learnable.  Notice that I said previously that I was taught. There were other things I didn't get, that you may have.  Keeping score doesn't work.  Comparing what you have or don't have going for you will absolutely hurt you.  If you are looking for all the reasons why something won't work out for you, trust me you will find an endless list.  But in that search you will miss all the reasons why you can succeed because you are not looking specifically for those.  So many people are asleep to all the circumstances that they could use to their advantage.  There's many people that grew up in the same neighborhood I did, with the same amount of money in the bank (like none), with the same start I had that chose to see it as a negative.  You get to choose.

I would love to hear your triumphs in the comments!  It inspires others to read about people like you who have overcome obstacles and still won!  Please share!